"Out I say, out...!" /George Hearn style

[here_inmyhead]

I think I know how the Fire Emblem fandom felt when Marth/Roy fangirls started flooding their fandom with OOC badfic when Melee came out.

The Smash fanboys are clogging the Earthbound section. God help me. "lulz I never played da game butt h3rz Mother 3 fic! LUCASXKUMATORA 4EVR!!1!" Um, no. You realize Kumatora's old enough to be Lucas's mom, right? Do you have any basis for pairing them together other than they're the main guy and girl? Besides, wouldn't it be urm... Oedipal? Except I doubt that's what the so-called "fans" had in mind.

Edit: Okay, my mistake. Kumatora's age isn't really stated. I've got nothing against age differences. What got Puri was from her knowledge of Mother 3, Duster and Kumatora were like a "second family" to Lucas while Flint wasn't there. So Puri viewed Lucas and Kumatora being close friends. And if Kumatora was like a "mother figure" to him, wouldn't it be like falling for your own mother? That's what Puri meant. Forgive me, I'm feeling light-headed especially when typing in the heat without food. @.@;;;

Thank god there's a couple people leaving huge intense constructive criticism.

I wish whoever keeps posting these "_________ PAIRING MADNESS!" 'fics' would just. Fucking. Stop. It's like those disgusting Ask Fics before they were banned, only know the reviewers sent pairings instead of questions. THOSE FICS PISS ME OFF. If you're braver than I am (I only glanced at the Ness/Pokey chapter), this is the source of my rage. Pairings mutilated and their carcass left to rot: Ness/Paula, Jeff/Tony *SCREECHSTAB*), Lucas/Kumatora, Pokey/Giygas, Flint/Hinawa (*SCREECHSTABAGAIN*), Ness/Pokey, and Jeff/Paula.

I swear to hell it's a good thing people get cooties from Mother 1. This guy nudges Poo/Paula, I'm gonna have to whip out a chainsaw.

Yes, this is the same dude that brought you Ness bearing a jealous grudge against Macho*Lucas posts back.

Here's a taste of how bad his writing is; Puri picks a pairing she's used to seeing badfic for.

Puri bolds her faaaaaaaaaaaaavorite lines:

It was the semi-final battle in the tournament: Sonic vs. Peach! Both fighters were still astonishingly alive, even though they both had 500 damage! Suddenly, an assist trophy item fell from the sky. With his super speed, Sonic was able to rush over and activate it right before Peach. When the dust cleared, the assist trophy turned out to be...

...Shadow the Hedgehog A.K.A. Emo Hog.

Sonic was quite surprised, to say the least. "S-SHADOW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? SHOULDN'T YOU BE FINDING THE COMPUTER ROOM?!" the bule hedgehog asked spitefully. Shadow punched his "adversary" in the jaw and snapped, "Shut up! At least I'm in the game, stupid!"

That was when he turned around and came face to face with Peach. They both thought only one thing:

'Maria.' Shadow thought, staring at Peach's golden hair.

'Chest hair.' Peach thought, staring at the tuft of white fur on Shadow's chest.

Suddenly, a song by Muse began playing in the background, and Sonic knew he was beat...

So, he just quickly KOed Peach and pulled Shadow into a powerful and passionate embrace, kissing him powerfully. Bowser and Ness took pictures and sold them on the internet, where a mysterious 'MH' bought all of them for his special porn folder...

A/N: Yes, I know this is the Peach X Shadow chapter up until the end. That's the point...

Oh yawn, the Maria cliche. Also? INTERNET MEMES EQUATE INSTANT HUMOR. Comedy is difficult as hell to write and stupid "humor" with people yelling insults at each other is not funny. IT TAKES THOUGHT. EVER HEARD OF THAT? I think the fact that he copied off his own work says a lot about his laziness and apathy for his writing.

From his profile: I'll also work more on keeping my fics more "in character", because I really don't want people to hate me! But, still...how can you get two characters to form a relationship in a romance fic without tweaking their personalities a little?

BUWAHAHAHAHAHA. It's called "growth" you ninny. Probably never occurred to the guy that relationships don't always end up 100% fluffy either. (Fluffy Mephiles/Anyone? Ah ha ha, that's like saying salt on the wound doesn't hurt)

HERE'S ANOTHER GEM:

Sonic couldn’t tell Amy that he hated DDR! “Oh, nothing! Come on, Amy, let’s go see a movie together! How about ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” A/N: I’ve never seen ‘Saving Private Ryan’, or do I plan to in the future, just so you know…

Soldiers lying in agony with their entrails scooped out at a blood-soaked beach of WWII... the Ultimate Date Movie! ♥

In short: WRITING PAIRINGS, NO MATTER HOW POPULAR OR BIZARRE, WILL NOT SERVE AS A GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE CARD FOR GOOD WRITING.

I have more respect for a person who can get two people to hate each other to get involved convincingly than a 13-year-old cheapifying my OTP with mindless OOC crap.

Comments

[eiviiaru.livejournal.com]

Uh, not to spoil or anything, but Kumatora isn't old enough to be Lucas's mom; although her age is never stated in M3, it's implied she's in her early or mid-teens in Chapter 1, which would only make her maybe five years older than Lucas. I'm not a big fan of L/K anyway (I think it's lame defaultshipping, and I don't see Lucas in the M3 timeframe as being a character capable of romance at all), but age isn't really the issue.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Hookay, I'm probably talking with fingers in my mouth, considering my own M3 knowledge isn't 100% legit. (Still, you don't see me writing fics for it. XD!) From some sources, people saw Duster and Kumatora as a "family" for Lucas when Flint wasn't there. I should've been clearer it's not age that bugs me (I like some May-December nomnomnom), but that if Kumatora is a like a mother figure for Lucas, it would be well... kind of strange. ^^;;; Which is when the Oedipal thing settles in and I don't think that would be nice. :( I see Lucas and Kumatora more the type as close friends.

[momogirl12345.livejournal.com]

for some reason I REALLY hate it when people iclude "our world" brands/movies/places/etc into fanfics about anime/games/anything that take place in worlds OBVIOUSLY different from our own. Even in anime that DO take place in "our" world, most of the time brand names are changed slightly to give the idea of a similar product. Sonic's world DOES NOT have that movie, Charater A is not going around in converse shoes, and they ARN'T going to applebees to eat.

For some reason it just REALLY bothers me >_> Seriously I'd be about 100x happier if they went to happleknees retaurant instead. Otherwise I feel like the fanfic is becoming an advertisment for the things the author likes! @A@; *rant*

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

I know! It totally sets me off since you know, that would be like the Fire Emblem characters going to McDonald's. XD Random pop culture references =/= instant humor. You CAN make it clever (see: Giygas serving McDonald's to Paula for a "H...a...pp...y" Meal. You don't even need to watch the creepy Ronald McDonald/Giygas video to find it funny! XD), it's that a lotta sugar-rushed fanboys looking for instant fame don't. XD

[soulrockcandy.livejournal.com]

Trying to read those madness things broke my mind. You should know better than to troll ff.net by now! At least it's good whenever I need a boost in confidence about my own writings.

Also, Saving Private Ryan is totally a romantic chick flick what are you talking about.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

I troll AFF.net and FF.net for hilarious bad pr0n silly cheesy lines and unintentional laughter! But this, I can't get any laughs from at all. Waaaaaaaaaaaah. D: There's silly badfic and bad badfic, and the latter is no fun at all. DDDDD:

Tee hee~ ♥ Unconventional chick flicks are the best~ ♥ Why do I imagine some violence-loving couple like Geigue and Pokey settling down to watch SAW movies or something? XD Or hell, both of them don't have to enjoy it! Daisy could force Waluigi to sit through When Harry Met Sally with her while he shrinks in his seat and whines. XD

[gravity-xx.livejournal.com]

"Meanwhile, Jeff was having a grand old time with his new friends, not even considering the people he had left behind back in Winters..."

This sentence made me want to stab the author. D: Isn't it supposed to be a pairing drabble...?

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

...Ah ha ha. AH HA HA HA HA HA HA no. Gosh, Jeff is a worrywart and a sweetheart and I hate it when authors make him this jerk gdhjkghdfkjg HE'S NOT.

I say we sic the Ultimate Chimera on this guy. NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

[gravity-xx.livejournal.com]

I agree.

Because after I wrote that comment, I read his Giygas/Pokey one.
I have never seen Pokey's character so... ugh D:

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Knowing he hasn't played Earthbound (I mean, RLY), watching the final Giygas battle alone would traumatize him for life. XDDD!

[gravity-xx.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking so xD;;

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

...doesn't it traumatize people for life ANYWAY?


...or turn them into slashficcers? >.> *shot*

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Two words for Brawlfic: Extended research. It CAN be done! Hell, one of the best fics I read over at Brawl was Ike/Pit where the author *GASP* did their homework on Fire Emblem and Kid Icarus despite not having played Ike's game. But it was obvious she put work into writing him right, dangit. Save for a minor flub like Ike never having seen angels before (when in FE reality, there are Pegasus Knights), she acknowledged some biggies like SOREN and... she put work into knowing these guys. Unlike most fangirls who are just there for eye candy. XD

Also, I'm a total Pokemon, Kirby, Mario, Sonic and Mother 1 + 2 (Mother 3, go poke Jean or someone. :o) guru. If you need help for the Kirbyverse or anything, just ask me~ ♥

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

..>GERHIBHIOBNFLIGHOERNB DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE A KIRBY FAN.

DEDEDE/KIRBY. CANON AFTER SSE Y/Y?!?!? *shot*

[runawayblue.livejournal.com]

Ouch! I find that I cannot ship anything in M3, nothing feels right. Bear in mind I have only played... less than half of it now, but I don't know... there's just nothing there to me. Yep!

OUCH those badfic quotes hurt! ... Oh, FFNET never ceases to amuse/horrify.

[swammi.livejournal.com]

And you just reminded me why I never search for fanfiction!!!! XD I have better luck when I'm not looking for it and random awesome authors by chance <3

[bottlemilk.livejournal.com]

...Shadow the Hedgehog A.K.A. Emo Hog.

Of all the things in this post... THIS RILES ME THE MOST. AAAUUUGHHH. I don't care what you think of Shadow, JUST DON'T PUT THINGS LIKE THAT IN YOUR FICS. PLEASE. D8

... and Saving Private Ryan. I ROFL'D.


ajksdhasd YOU WERE IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT BTW. ;_;

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

AMEN. Just, guh. Keep your personal opinions to yourself please. @.@;;; Worst of all, I think that guy put it in there solely to "please" everyone on the Internet so they can ramble how brilliant and "clever" he is. @.@

LMAO I KNOW RITE? AMY WOULD TOTALLY LOVE THAT MOVIE. They should go watch a Holocaust film for next date so Amy's faith in humanity plummets. :P

[bottlemilk.livejournal.com]

Exactly. :\ And that's what I figured he was trying to do, too. NOT COOL MAN. NOT. COOL. 8\

akjsdhjsakd HAHAHAHAHA oh- oh god. Sonic sitting through a Holocaust. D:

IT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF A NIGHTMARE? I went over to visit you BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WANTED TO SEE ME ;______; asjkdhbsaj BABY SEALS???? I'll come on later. MUST FINISH ESSAY FIRST D8

[eriph.livejournal.com]

AUUUGH WHYYYYYY. D: I'm crying on the inside.

It's okay that the average Brawl player doesn't know anything about certain characters' universe, because that's a given. (The people I've been playing with originally thought that the Pokey statue was a Lucas statue. Major sweatdrop. ;;; I feel like such a spaz trying to explain Earthbound/Mother things to my friends who have never even heard of the games before.) But it's a CRIME when those players decide to write terrible fic without even bothering to learn anything about the characters they're writing. D: D: D:

Th-that horrible author has 345 fics. :( Whyyyyyy.

P.S. After watching someone play through Subspace Emissary I'm actually "seriously" shipping Ness/Lucas and Pokemon Trainer/Lucas. And I'm partially blaming it on YOU because you put the thought there in the first place! (Though for reals, how could I NOT ship them after all of their interactions? SO CUTE algjds;lkjg. I was feeling so much squee but I had to keep it all inside because the people I play with aren't slash fans and I didn't want to make myself seem like even more of a spaz. Woe.)

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

And after reading the PokeSpecial manga, I'm 90% convinced the Pokemon Trainer's personality was intended to be modeled after Red from said manga, as opposed to Ash from the anime. Which makes PT/Lucas even MORE awesome and fitting. Though yes, Lucas goes through serious CRUSHED HOPES AND DREAMS after Ness gets spoiler'd.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

YES. YES. YES. SOMEONE ELSE WHO AGREES WITH ME ♥

Calling PT Ash as if they're the same person makes me twitch. I mean, who played Second Generation Pokemon? (G/S/C?) There are two trainers, one a Gym Leader, the other the ultimate champion. Their names were, you guessed it: Blue/Green and Red. Mind you the games aren't known for their indepth characterization, but it's apparent Blue isn't the same canon as Gary. Not to mention Silent Protagonist Red and his uber Pokemon.

It's like... Ash is Ash. XD 'Sides, why is Pikachu hanging out with Samus? ;D

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

AMEN. *applauds* Sure, I certainly as hell haven't played every game each Smasher came from. But it's like gardening: there's a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge difference between feeding your plants water, fertilizer, blood (HELO THAR AUDREY II), oil, or just plain piss.

345 FICS AND COUNTING. GOOD GOD my jaw dropped at his FF.net page. Sickens me how much gooey feedback he's got. D:

AWWWWWWW! *______________* I'm flattered~! Gosh, those three are so precious~ ♥

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

FLUFFY MEPHILES/TAILS.

IT HAPPENS, YOU'VE SEEN IT ON BZ. >.> ...ahem. Uh. That is to say, there was a lot of mindgames and mutually-assured rape and quasi-hate there first, but the fluff happened!

That said, any NON-CRACK Meph pairing except Meph/Iblis (lol incest or masturbation?!?!?! Also I can't help but envision Iblis talking like the YuGiOh Abridged guy voices Zorc) would never be fluffy. Mephadow would be like Mephails started, and Mephonic/Mephilver would be a lot of raep raep raep.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Man, it's been so long since I checked BZ, I'll have to refresh my memory. XD But god yes. XD Mephiles means twisted fun times nomnomnom!

[oshiro-akina.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*

These bad fics are making me feel insulted, especially those who never played the games and are tring to write fic but them but end up throwing them way out of character. ;_;

A friend of mine over at dA and I decided to do a trade where I would write her some Midna/Geno fic and she would draw me some Peach/Geno art. Now I've never played Twilight Princess in my life and I'm trying to do as much research as I can to make sure I write Midna in character and whatever happens between her and Geno to be believable, but then we've got these silly fanboys and fangirls who write these horrendous "ZOMG PAIRING MADNESS" fics where they don't even make an attempt to learn more about the characters and just make up crap and throw them out of character (or throw in a Mary Sue) just to satisfy whatever sick fantasy they have.

I've read bad Geno fic before, and I can go on forever about that . . . >_>;;;

[heysonic.livejournal.com]

DUDE.

DO NOT SULLY THE GOOD NAME OF THE BAND THAT IS MUSE. EVER. AGAIN.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaah. D: Lame, lame, lame! This is why Mother 3 should get out as soon as possible. This stuff is nuts!

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

At least it's not Evanescence, right? Though it wouldn't surprised me if he used them somewhere. (Now, if he used NIN, I'd have to punch him. XD)

Dammit translation! So close to being finished... T_____________T

[(Anonymous)]

Ack, aaaaaaaaack! Aw man, ANY band that I would know would be worse!

...REAAAALLY? You mean I can has Mother 3 from unofficial fan translation team soon? :D

And Sonic WOULD like DDR! Sonic LIKES dancing. ...sure, he'd break the machine, but at least not before acing the fastest mode first! D:

[spfi-duo.livejournal.com]

(Nam)

Gonna be slightly honest here.
Never played Earthbound. Srsly. I've watched the games be played, but I'm a cowardly person so I never touched the controls. Thus my knowledge of the pairings and characters being done correctly is minimal.

So I clicked the link thinking I might be able to read it without too many ill effects. That my ignorance might act as a shield. And the first chapter ALONE makes my soul cry. Cry tears of blood. I think I might need therapy.

I'll watch Enchanted again D: Enchanted makes all the hurt go away.

That's how you know he loves you...

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE OF THAT FANDOM BUT IT STILL TRAUMATIZES YOU GOD

You'd guys would still write superior Earthbound fic man. :o

Enchanted is love. Nice fairy-tale bubbly love that makes the hurt go away. ;_;