"Nothing in this world is ever gonna keep you away from me."

[here_inmyhead]

You know, I've been wondering for some time what is it about books like Twilight that people, including women, find so romantic. There's the same audience in Phantom of the Opera phandom that totally root for Eric & Christine to get together and portray Raoul as an abusive drunkard, despite the fact that Eric is clearly out of his head, constantly stalks Christine and makes threats to her life, snaps at her like crazy when she first takes his mask off, etc... hell, even tries to blow up the opera house in the book with a no-win situation (As long as Christine chosen the Scorpion, aka agreed to stay with Eric, the opera house won't blow up and no one has to die). Then there's the people who misunderstand the point of Wuthering Heights and think Heathcliff's a woobie.

I like bad boys as much as the next fangirl, but there's a difference between acknowledging what they do wrong and that they're messed up as hell, to actually thinking all the yelling and throwing objects and death threats is actually romantic, like such abuse is something acceptable in an ideal relationship. Even something to dream about.

Case in point, someone's review of Meyer's The Host. What gets interesting is when someone brings up Miki Aihara and her manga Hot Gimmick (which I've had the fortune to have never read). The gist is the main character, Hatsumi, is a wimpy spineless twit. Some jerkass Ryoki blackmails her and eventually forces her to be his slave. Guess what? They get married! Yay! Oh boy. But wait, here's another one (bolding/underlining mine):

"Really? I've never read Hot Gimmick so I'll take your word for it that it sucks, but nothing I've ever read gave me chills like Boys Over Flowers.

I worked at a battered women's shelter years ago, and all the women had romances like Boys Over Flowers in their heads: "He's a good man, he's just been hurt and if I work hard enough he'll change!"

The Domyoujis of the world who do things like throw garbage on people and destroy them for fun don't change. Ever. And all those women in the shelter ended up dead...or worse.

If Boys Over Flowers was just a fantasy to women, it would be one thing, but the amount of women who take those stories seriously is truly terrifying. I literally can't read Boys Over Flowers, or watch the TV show/anime, without getting sick. Particularly the parts like where Doumyjouji tries to RAPE Tsukushi, and her thought is? "His lips were so gentle!" To romanticize a raping, bullying sociopath because he's rich and handsome...ugh."

Ye god. Not to mention TONS of yaoi animanga are like this. Older-Guy-Raping-Weepy-Uke-Boi, awwww! Hell, look no further than Okane ga Nai. It's hideous.

It's... I don't get people. I don't get it at all. Is this part of the reason why we have a 50/50 divorce rate in this country?

Comments

[soulrockcandy.livejournal.com]

I have a theory that maybe the people who find this stuff sweet and romantic grew up in a household where their parents had such a relationship, so right from the start they thought it was normal and even ideal. Or were in such relationships themselves and developed such low self-esteem they can't imagine themselves in any other kind, and have to delude themselves into thinking it's romantic just to stay sane.

Of course my theory has no real basis in anything, but who knows? It might actually be the case for some people.

[soulrockcandy.livejournal.com]

Fandom secret: I love messed up creepy abusive relationships in fiction. I know it's not proper, but I have this inexplicable fixation with fucked up stuff.

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

Difference: you KNOW it's creepy and abusive, you don't think it's something that should be aimed for in your life.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Agreed. As long as you acknowledge it's messed up (and that's part of the fun to ships sometimes!), you're a-okay. It's the people who think it's ideal and romantic to IRL relationships that makes me D:

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Hey, at least we know Madotsuki/Masada is meant to be creepy! And even they have their adorable moments. ;; 'Sides, Madotsuki's the one who wears the pants AND weilds the knife. Poor Masada.

[levikitty.livejournal.com]

Personally? I think it's because the population as a whole has an obsession with romance. That's why there are so many romantic subplots in media, even if they are jerky, forced, and completely out of place, like when in a horror movie, the male and female lead stop running from the monster that's about to kill them to make out. Girls in particular are more prone to it, because they are often raised to believe that the ultimate goal to strive for is to get married. So when they read Phantom of the Opera or Wuthering Heights, they completely miss the point of this is screwed up and are only paying attention to the fact that there's romance. True love conquers all and all that jazz. The problem is, because it's fiction and a lot of people either don't or refuse to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship. Perhaps because it's all fiction, their minds filter out the abuse and rape and only see "TRUE LOVE."

In the case of Twilight, it's a pure escapism fantasy. The majority of the Twilight fanbase consists of young teenage girls and middle aged women. The former group are really just discovering boys, and are in a stage in their lives when having a boyfriend is kind of like a status symbol, doubly so if it's a popular boy. Twilight portrays main character Bella as an unpopular (yet all the boys are after her!) and plain looking (yet beautiful!) girl who scores the aloof, handsome man. And later on, another extremely handsome young man falls for her! It's a teenage girl's ultimate fantasy. For the older women, they're probably unhappy with their lives, and Edward seems like the kind of tall, dark stranger they wish would sweep them off their feet. When it comes to both groups, they're willing to ignore all of Edward's behavior because he's good looking, saying that all his stalking/watching Bella while she sleeps/disabling her car so she can't go visit her friends is just because he loves them her! He's just showing how much he loves them her! That, or they really do think it's romantic, because they were raised on the aforementioned romanced-based culture. It does not help that the books are portrayed from Bella's point of view, so her messed up mindset is projected onto the reader's, and the reader becomes Bella, so it's like Edward is in love with the reader themselves. It doesn't help that the author herself buys into this mentality as well.

This would be all fine and dandy if people realized this was all fiction. But it seems like a lot of people don't. There are stories of girls dumping their boyfriends for no reason other than he's "not Edward." Robert Patterson is now terrified of large groups of women, and he regrets ever taking the role and now hates the series. A depressing number of girls and women are hoping to "find their Edward." And I know this is mean of me and makes me a bad person, I hope they do, because they seriously need a reality check.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

It's odd because romance isn't just ONE thing. It isn't always hearts and mush and flowers, and even the creepy stuff gets reduced to only that and... it's creepy enough by itself. :P

I had a feeling Twilight was about self gratification myself, considering Bella's got the personality of a rock, albeit a whiny rock, and even I can't relate myself to her and want to punch her and Edward in the face. I could see the appeal of Jacob though, since he was a pretty nice and understanding guy, at least before the Unconsensual Kiss and the whole Imprinting-Renesmee thing. The only way I can take Twilight is if I treat it as some kinda soap opera B-movie books or spoofs. If I try to take the books seriously, I just get bored/annoyed/pissed off. :/

Odd though, didn't Patterson dislike Twilight from the beginning? He thought Edward was this sorry messed up emopire with no life so that was how he portrayed him in the movies. XD Still, I do feel bad for him though. Seriously, these girls need to look for Sir Aarons and Jack Walkers. Johnny Depps would be better than Edward Cullens, man. :P

[meganubunny.livejournal.com]

Since I pretty much agree with everything you said, I don't have much to add. I'm not particularly fond of the way people portray such life-threatening and abusive relationships as romantic, which is why I find myself unable to do anything but roll my eyes at 90% of the yaoi I see or nearly any romance novels on the bookshelves.

Only semi-related, I tried reading The Host, and couldn't even stomach the first page. My god awful writing is awful.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Man, that icon is the most beautifully appropriate thing ever. XD

Yeah, it's irritating in yaoi too. :/ With the jailbait infant uke and the stone-cold seme with the shoulder-length of the Andes Mountains and argh. :P

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Kind of like what Sarah said about Kaze to Ki no Uta; it totally backfired and it bombed on Serge and Gilbert. @.@;;; The "taming the beast" thing only really worked with Beast and Belle, and Belle definitely didn't approve of Beast screaming and losing his temper at her, which he had to come to terms with and work on himself. :P

[pimmy.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN HATING ON "Boys over Flowers" FOR YEARS I HATE IT SO MUCH IT IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH SHOUJO MANGA. and it started out such a good "overcoming bullying" story too ;_; (apparently the FANS wanted her to end up with that guy fkdjshfskdjf)

I'd rant more but uhg. WORD.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Man, it's a good thing I don't read much manga anymore, let alone shoujo! XD I'll stick with MARS, kthnx, nomnomnomnomnom

[sarajayechan.livejournal.com]

MARS FTW. ♥ A rare case where Reparing The Broken is a team effort.

[sarajayechan.livejournal.com]

(apparently the FANS wanted her to end up with that guy fkdjshfskdjf)

D: I HATE when creators do that! Don't add a romance that sucks or a stupid plot device just cause the fans were clamoring for it!

[sarajayechan.livejournal.com]

I couldn't get past the first two volumes of HYD because the bullying plot and the F4 grated. On. My. Nerves. Oh, Domyuji's a fucking asshole but he has ~~~issues~~~ and ~~~truly loves Tsushiki~~~ so it's TOTALLY ROMANTIC!!!! That manga hit so many of my rage buttons, the only good thing about the series at all are the OP/ED themes.

I mean, I won't lie, I love Slap Slap Kiss, but it has to involve actual character and relationship development There's a world of difference between Erk/Serra (two stubborn lonely kids who argue like crazy but it's obvious they care for each other deep down) and Ulquiorra/Orihime (he breaks her, barely cares for her, tortures the man she loves in front of her and fangirls think it's soooo romantic because he's "fascinated" by her).

But the whole "I can fix teh broken bad boy!!!" thing is just so overdone and I've personally never liked it with the exception of Serge/Gilbert in Kaze to Ki no Uta, and only because they portray it REALISTICALLY. Serge thinks he can heal Gilbert's pain and Gilbert DOES come around to him, but in the end he's just too messed up to be fixed and, well, tragic ending!

And my headcanon's version of Azula/Ty Lee from Avatar but that would be going into tl;dr territory. XD;

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

Part of it is the "taming the beast" bit that pikak mentioned - people think the idea of turning a bad thing/person into something/someone good, even briefly, is the most romantic of ideals. That goes for both men and women, but moreso with men - possibly because there's fewer "bad" women, and the men those appeal to are the ones who WANT to be totally abused. Another part, though, is something that few people seem to consider, a psychological mechanism linked in no small part to Stockholm syndrome.

Strip away romance, thought, lust, everything but the rawest base feral instinct. Sex and relationships exist in those instincts for one purpose - to procreate, and to have one's young survive. Thus it stands, on an instinctive level, for a woman to desire a strong male to sire her children, so that they can too be strong. Persistence (stalking), power (physical abuse), intelligence (emotional abuse), all of these are signs of "strength" to a raw instinct. Likewise, as shown in Stockholm syndrome along with other cases of bride kidnapping and raptio, it is instinctively sound for an abused woman to not fight back, as doing so would bring more harm to her prospective young and could, in fact, do more harm to the mother herself, as submitting to those who have captured you is a way to endear them to you, causing lashouts to be less severe and less instinctive.

Yaoi is the same deal, except the uke plays the role of the female in all cases, as obvious.

Yes, it's sickening. But it's something deep down that a LOT of people have, whether or not they recognize it.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Now that IS interesting. I hadn't taken the whole Stockholm syndrome in mind, and when you put it in Darwinian terms, it makes a disturbing amount of sense. So it's all about survival... yikes. :o

This is gonna put a whole bunch of books in a new light for me, won't it?

[the-terrible.livejournal.com]

We have a 50/50 divorce rate because people keep confusing "relationship" with "convenient accessory" and realize much later than they should that the person they married just isn't right for them. The Instant Gratification Syndrome at its very worst.

As for the fact that so many people have messed up ideas about what's romantic and what's fair in love, well, that's NOTHING new; it's just impossible to ignore in this day and age thanks to communication technology being what it is.

[valkyriur.livejournal.com]

You said what I was going to say.