I haven't read a book in school that's rubbed me this wrong since...

[here_inmyhead]

Well, play actually. We have to perform it in Theater class.

I'm pretty open when it comes to stuff I like. Even MORE so if it's something I hate. Take Tony Kushner's Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes. The thing with school assignments is no matter HOW much you hate the book, you have to finish it because It's An Assignment TM. You take the test and viola. You never have to see the damn book again. Until they assign it another year, that is. (But at least you already read it!)

It's funky really. I have an endless library of books in my brain I adored (Farenheit 451, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, Animal Farm, etc.) and I'd bring up only if someone showed a copy of the book to me and I'd be all, "Oh yeah! The Pigman! I read that in middle school!" and look back fondly how good it was and blah blah blah. But there's something about bad books compared to bad movies that no matter how hard you try, you. Never. Ever. Forget.

Let's start from elementary to highschool. The Witch of Blackbird Pond bored me to tears, and that could be why I get a nasty taste in my mouth when I hear about Puritans. Summer of the Swans had the whiniest female protagonist I ever read (Not to be mistaken with Trumpet of the Swans by E.B. White--not only does the story actually center around swans *GASP! They're supposed to only exist as allegory you silly goose!*, it's a good book too!), rivaling only what has to be the worst fucking disappointment in the entire planet, Searching for David's Heart: A Christmas Story. (Yeah, the Christmas story tagline? That's a complete lie. *gag* Nothing remotely holidayish or even in the SPIRIT of the holiday remotely happens until the last two pages of the book!) I have never wanted anybody in a book to die so much. Finishing The Scarlett Letter was an agonizing trek shoving a boulder up a hill in the Sahara with no water. Only after reading (and liking) Dr. Heidegger's Experiment was I able to forgive Hawthorne a little... somewhat. A tiny bit. But you know how I feel about Puritanlit. *vicious grimace*

So you see? I got off on a tangent. But Angels in America, don't think you've got away! Here's what I have to say after reading the first act, Millienium Approaches:



Reading the title, I was wary. I didn't feel like having another history lesson, and I already know what scum we are, so I don't want to be reminded for 2 1/2 hours when I could see the same thing on the Internet or the paper. Also? If the book/play/whatever deals with gay themes at all, it's ALWAYS about the same fucking thing. (Guy 1: We're in love! Guy 2: Let's have buttsecks! Wife: Where's my husband? *manages crying twins* Guy 1: Oh no! I shouldn't be feeling this! Guy 2: Gay people aren't capable of displaying affection any other way! Guy 1: Ow! My religion! *jumps the sack anyway* Wife: *sniff* We don't talk anymore. *snorts cocaine* Guy 2: Oh no! I have AIDS! Guy 1: I wish I could quit you! I'm supposed to be straight! Wife: WTF IM DIVORCING U CHEATIN' QUEER ADN IM TAKING THE KIDS WITH ME. Guy 2: Tell my fuckbuddies at the Gay Bar not to buy the new Faith Hill albulm. It reeks man. *DIES* Guy 2: OH NOE! I LOVED YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!11!11!1 *lives in misery until he commits suicide* *DIES*) Because *GASP* it's not like they're normal human beings and capable of having more than angst and drama in their lives! They can even *OMGHOWUNSPEAKABLE* have happy endings! OH GOD WHAT A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY

I guess I'm bitter because I'm stuck with yet ANOTHER gay-lovers-AIDS-tragedy plot, along with Other People Whose Lives Suck But Can't Be Bothered To Hire A Psychologist TM. I tried to let loose and take pride in the little things (even if it means letting my 5-year-old self go lawlz whenever I read the f-word in print), but the whole plot is just... it's reminding me of Magnolia all over again. Aside from music (being the ONLY good thing about the movie) and a spoiler scene with frogs (see last message), that movie was misery piled up after another, introducing us to supposedly unrelated (but they're all connected somehow!) people whose lives make a sewer rat's seem luxerious, but they're so despicable that you can't bring yourself to feel sympathy for them. What's that, I hear you say? "Because they make mistakes! BECAUSE THEY'RE HYUUMAAAAAAAAAN!!11!11!1" Yeah, and so was Joseph Stalin. If being a selfish prick who goes out of their way to drown in self-pity and tear everyone else down with them makes you as genuine a human being possible Under God's Image, then praise the lord, 'cause Pokey Minch might as well be our savior.

That said, I hate Louis. Sure I'd be scared too if my lover got sick with AIDS and had to watch him die and suffer and take in the various TMI details. But outright abandon him? Um, excuse me? God, no wonder Prior's pissed! Then he goes out and whines and spews racist bullshit in front of Belize (whose black btw), then when he speaks up to tell him to stop, he had the GALL to scream, "OH MY GAWD YOU HATE ME KUZ IM A GAY JEW ARENT U!?!!?!!?!?!?! KUZ IM SURE BLACK PEOPLE HATE JEWZ!!1!11!11" I was speechless.

What a disgusting self-pitying bitch! I realize I'm using as much language as the play is right now, but there's no words to describe just how... appalled I am. At least Joe fucking admits he's a closeminded jerk! He knows he's hurting Harper! (And hell! Even HARPER is more sympathetic than Louis ever was! She's a candy cane next to a stick of slime!) But no. Louis just brushes everything off, woe is him. "BE SORRY FOR ME!!11!1!11" is all that ever comes out of his mouth. Victim of America, Victim of Democracy, Victim of Religion, blahblahblah shut the fuck up Lou, and commit suicide already. Make sure that when you do the deed, you'll be lying there in agony an hour or two with blood pooling out of your empty head.

Why oh why didn't Belize punch him in the face? Albeit, they were out in public. And he DID tell him off. Still, Louis needs more than he deserves. Just... what the fuck.



Part 2: Perestroika better be better than this crap. Is redeeming a little asking for so much? I doubt it's going to happen though. It's like every chapter of this play I read, I just get angrier and angrier. I hate plays like this. Reminds me of the other day when I picked up my college books, and these shiny copies of the Sweeney Todd script were like the glints of shaving knives. How I wish I were singing, scheming, and cooking meat pies right now! Who wants Louis Pie? Anyone? Oh well, Threed Zombies are hungry anyway.

Comments

[sarajayechan.livejournal.com]

I remember "Summer of the Swans!". I actually sympathized with Sara, but I was young and foolish back then. She was pretty whiny. XD

I'm getting sick of the "gay people as tragic figures" bullshit, especially gay males. >:[ I wouldn't be surprised if this is part of what's feeding the wangsty yaoi trend.

[runawayblue.livejournal.com]

Why aren't Gay people happy? They all have AIDS and are cheating, horny bastards! Or so fiction would have you believe.

Yeah, that's pretty irritating :\

[n64-chick.livejournal.com]

Bah. One time I had to read The Oddessy and my senile old woman of a teacher called me a cyclops because I can only see in one eye. I hate people.

[militarypenguin.livejournal.com]

Amazing how "gay" can go from meaning "happy" to "sadtragicsuicidalhopelesslove".

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

I miss the rainbows so much. D:

Man, the media would implode if they played Earthbound. You can't spell Jeff/Tony without F-L-U-F-F! ;D

[eiviiaru.livejournal.com]

This is why I got so frustrated at the people who called Brokeback Mountain a beautiful love story. Yes, there are legitimate external obstacles there, but most of the plot of the movie is two men doing terrible things to each other out of sheer emotional irresponsibility, and while I can pity them, I can't really respect their love.

(Brokeback also had some serious problems with The Midwest As Loveless Pit Of Hell Where Nobody Is Happy Or Decent, but that's another rant...)

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

...Can I cling? Can I bake you cake? From these words, you're officially my hero. *_______________*

Brokeback Mountain, ugh. I could scribble so many papers to fill the room when it comes to tackling that movie. There was nothing new or original--it was the same tired story about self-pitying cowboys and the ZOMG EBIL SOCIETY THAT HATES THEM FEEL SORRY FOR THEM while forget about the wives hurt from fake love and promises and only married because IM A MANLY MAN WHOS STILL NOT GAY LAWL. Brokeback Mountain: it's not a "love story" so much it's about two men who lie to each other, deny it, and through years of treachery and backstabbing and ruining lives, all Ennis has left is Jack's bloody sweater and his emo tears. Good job wasting your lives buddies.

[zerenitia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I didn't read through all of the post ^^;;; But I did see the "Searching for David's Heart: A Christmas Story" and instantly thought "WTF" because I remember hearing in grade five about the story Searching for David's Heart and how it was supposed to be a good story and everything but I...never heard anything about it having to revolve around Christmas o_O; Do they have a different version of the book or did I miss the fine print that said "Christmas Story" or did I just not read the cover properly? XDDD;

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

If you haven't read it, be very glad. Here's the novel in a nutshell:

Dad: IM RACIST AGAINST BLACKS BECAUSE A BLACK MAN BEAT ME FOR A JOB, I LASHED AT HIM, AND NOW IM CRIPPLED FOR LIFE THNX A LOT DAMN ^%#^%*$($(
Heroine: *whinebitchmoan*
David: *gets a girlfriend and becomes a prick* *ruins heroine's birthday*
Heroine: I WISH YOU WERE DEAD (She actually says this RIGHT before he dies!)
David: *dies*
Family Life: *EVEN MORE SOMBER*
Heroine: *WHINEBITCHMOAN*
Magician Friend: You know, David's a donor. If we could find the guy that received his heart, you'll be close to David again.
Heroine: Okay. *WHINEBITCHMOAN*
*they travel across the country*
Heroine: *WHINEBITCHMOAN* *WHINEBITCHMOAN* *WHINEBITCH--* HEY I FOUND THE GUY WITH DAVID'S HEART
Heart Recipient: AND I'M BLACK~~~~!
Dad: *goes to pick up daughter at airport Christmas Eve* *HE LEARNS WHAT RACE THE RECIPIENT IS* *HUGS DAUGHTER* I LOVE YOU HONEY. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Me: *gag* *throws book on floor* *stomps it to rubble* *tosses remains in fire*

I can't believe they made a movie for it. @.@;;; God, chances are it's just like the book. Only THIS time, you're forced to WATCH and LISTEN to her whine. *shudder* I hope David's death was gory with lots of guts strewn on the road but that's unlikely

[zerenitia.livejournal.com]

.....o__o;; Wasn't that supposed to be one of the books that won an award of some sort? Because that doesn't sound like a prize-winning novel in the least!

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Don't ask me. Witch of Blackbird Pond got a Newbury Medal and it was one of the most boring books I read in my life.

[zerenitia.livejournal.com]

D: Kinda sounds like To Kill a Mockingbird - I heard that got an award but I thought it was boring--except for Atticus's court speech~ I loved that. In fact, it's the only part of the book I remember though I regret not memorizing it word for word.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

I need to read that book. :o Thankfully my teachers never forced me to read that, and my Dad says I'll adore the book to pieces. :3 I'll look forward to the court speech then~ ♥♥♥

[zuki-chan.livejournal.com]

If being a selfish prick who goes out of their way to drown in self-pity and tear everyone else down with them makes you as genuine a human being possible Under God's Image, then praise the lord, 'cause Pokey Minch might as well be our savior.

Pokey is my god. <3

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

(http://photobucket.com)

This would be better if he wore the Pimp*Suit, but there wasn't a clay model for that. Rats.

[spfi-duo.livejournal.com]

(Nam)

....I love you. There are no words to describe my sheer adoration of your existence at this moment. I'm going to clone you and add your clones to my vast empire of clones. You can rule the world with me.

To be honest, most of the stories they made me read in school went onto my list of fail. Especially the classics. The ones that felt like they only made it onto the list because they got banned somewhere. I couldn't make it into Brokeback Mountain at all. I gave up after a few minutes. As a movie, it really felt more like it was attempting to hop onto the bandwagon or something and the story was portrayed in a way that made me want to pick up my TV and throw it. I'm terrified of touching the book in case it's as disappointing as the film was.

Here's hoping for you that Part 2 is either better, or at the very least is something worthy of your witty Heckle-and-Jeckle-ing. Luff.

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Which is odd, because other than the boring short stories they make us read that I forget a year later, I tend to be the only kid in class who liked the classic book we were assigned. (Lord of the Flies despite the painfully verbose prose, Poe's works, Of Mice And Men, and other stuff that escapes me at the moment. Most of the stuff I read, I already did for fun before they were even assigned in class!) I remember another one I didn't like though: The Great Gatsby! Enjoyed it at first, but then got... tired of it. Which I suppose is Fitzgerald's intention, but blegh. I'm not touching his other stuff.

Brokeback Mountain got attention because it was directed by Ang Lee AND starred two hawt celebrities. XD It amuses me whenever people say they were "touched by the beautiful love story" (Me: Two guys who met for five minutes go on a romp in the woods, are in complete denial over it, and cheat on their wives in the process. That's romantic all right! XD) or claim the movie's "changed my life forever!" when really, it's been done a million times before. XDDD! Is it sad that when the tent sex appeared on screen, the first thing that leapt to my mind is, "UR DOIN IT RONG!!!!11!1!1"? A few guys can manage it, but honestly. PUT ON SOME DAMN LUBE. I'm surprised they weren't sore the next morning 'cause of that.

You know how people say the book's better than the movie? In this aspect, the short story's better because it's what it is: SHORT! XDDDDDDDDDDD!

[spfi-duo.livejournal.com]

(Nam)

They get off on the hurt. You notice that throughout these stories they portray them as completely frigging miserable but neither of them outright says 'Look, I'm married, I don't think this is working, can we still be friends?' Maybe in the Land of Demented Gay Literature, once you want to jump the bones of someone with the same chromosomes as you, your brain cells start cannibalizing each other until you're reduced to a sobbing heap of completely undiluted dumb and fail.

Also, why do they always portray the wives as weakling domestics? If my husband was cheating on me with a man, I'd either beat the hell out of him with that fishing pole or want to take pictures. And that man would sit there and take his due, because I went through at least nine months of hell for him and his spawn. -scary loom- There would be punishment I tell you. Either that, or I'd give him the lube and instruct him in the correct manner of ghey (trans. teach him how to not be such a fricking pansy). And make his boyfriend help support the family, because he's going to share my benefits, he'll share my work.

And forgive me for saying it, but I don't find either of the two stars all that hot.