(no subject)

[here_inmyhead]

Sometimes, I feel like I just flat-out fail. I start big or long projects, and never finish while being only a quarter done. Am I this pathetic or am I not meant for long projects?

My brain feels like a cinder, and everything feels boring and doesn't excite me anymore. I also think my obsession with Sonic's down to its last flicker.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not leaving by any means. Just that my feelings for Pokémon have been growing stronger and stronger while with Sonic, it's hard to think anymore. My impressions of the characters are enflamed by fire--they're not as clear as I remember them. While RPing, Shadow and Cream are tired and worn out because I'm tired and worn out. It makes me feel like a shook-up old rag.

Which makes me scared. 'Cause where am I to go? I don't regret fangirling Pokémon one bit. But I feel guilty my inspiration for Sonic is so poor lately. I mean, I obviously still love the series. I don't have to be in a fandom to love something.

It's well... I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm finally breaking away from all the ghosts and horrors in Sonicdom plaguing me the past 5-4 years, and this happens? And the Secret*Fic. It was supposed to be epic, my magnum opus. I got what, as far as a snippet for the beginning of Chapter 6. When the fic itself would probably last around 30+ chapters. ZOMG LYKE IM SO AWESUM!!1!1!1 I can't bring myself to write anymore, and use a distraction as an excuse to do something I'd rather do though I know it kills me doing so. Then when I try to write? Comes out boring, dry, uninspired, lazy, tacky... any negative adjective. If I don't like my writing, no one does.

There's so many fics I dream of doing: 2 lemons, one of them in progress (and beginning to fall apart. And in haitus. LOLZ IM GUD), the Secret*Fic (Of course), SatAM stuff, Old*Sk00l inspiration, Sonic CD inspiration, Shadow & Cream adventures, and a desert RP Carrie and I started that's been on haitus. Not to mention how determined I am to do a Sonadow Manifesto for ship_manifesto. But I want it to fill it with enthusiasm rather than dry textbook boredom like me trying to hand in a term paper.

But yeah... guess what Puri didn't do? What did she do? Complain about Sonic fandom. About Sonic jerks. About Shadow bashers. About Sonadow bashers. About virtually everything. While the "fans" complained about the series, Puri complained about the "fans". I felt I was stereotyped, I felt I was victimized, I felt like I wanted to "prove" myself. What it did was get me into small wank and trouble. I've wasted my Sonic experience on something I shouldn't have. Why didn't I fangirl Shadow more? Or Sonic? Or Sonadow? What about Knuckles and Tails? Blaze? Cream? Maria? Tikal? Gamma? Rouge, Omega, Eggman, Silver, Chaotix and the rest? Now... who knows when my fire for Sonic will be back. Yet I feel for me, it's too late.

Wow, sounds EXACTLY what I did in Mariodom. Oh, and last time I was in Pokédom. I'm so good learning not to repeat past mistakes, aren't I?

People say you have all the time in the world in fandom. But time is short, and any second, you could die. If you're ready to die, then you've done everything you wanted to do and are satisfied. Too bad Puri's never ready. 'Cause she can never manage.

Comments

[sarajayechan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You might be suffering from a burnout.

I made similar mistakes in the Sailormoon, Fushigi Yuugi and Sorcerer Hunters fandoms. In SM I was just a headcase, FY I made the mistake of jumping into fanon before getting used to canon, and in SH I was hung up on a select group of people and their ideas instead of finding my own way.

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

Ohhon... *squishes tight*

I tend to agree, that you don't have to be super-involved in the fandom to love it. And I could almost say the key is to just... not get too involved. Devle in enough to maintain creative juices and hang with the people you love. Let that be the thing that keeps you coming back for more.

The people who are nasty in fandom? I don't even think of them as fans. I think of them as over-controlling people that aren't worth my time or thought. And if they insult my work? So what? I have friends who are open-minded and lovely who are willing to take my work, see the good in it, then guide me to help improve it. And those are the people you want to cling to.

Thing is, it's not too late for something you love. Neverever. You may definately want to take a break from this, sort it out and take time to really recall what you loved about it to begin with. And just give that time to nurture and flourish. And try to go back in slow if you do decide to immerse in fandom again. Just... slow and easy, taking time to keep your own interests at hand and alive, not throwing yourself into things that might turn out to be uncomfortable too soon.

And hon... *hugs tight* Even if we can die at any second, we've done the best we can. And you've taken notice to these mistakes. And while it may take a couple times, I have every confidence that you can learn from them. Maybe just by stepping a little away from fandom or just taking care to, in your own comfort zone, keep the fire alive. But I know that you'll learn something from this, Puri. And that's all we can hope for at any moment in our lives. <3

I really hope things start looking up soon, hon. Don't let this bother you too long before you start smiling about Sonic and Pokemon and Mario again, kay? :3

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

While I'm still trying to adjust to the concept of just what is a fandom and a fan etc. (Random thinking I've gotten this year XD;), I know exactly the feeling of starting so many things but never finishing, feeling like I haven't done much, etc. :( I really really feel you there. *hugs tight*

But, but! Cheer up, love! Things'll be better. You sound like you need a break, ne? You don't have to stress yourself over things and force yourself to hurry up and such. Afterall you write for *you* and what makes you happy and that's what counts. Don't let yourself get too trapped in the 'I'm never going to' syndrome when you do stuff, you just... be natural, ne? :) All of us make mistakes (lord knows I made and repeated too many grave ones) but that's really part of growing up and learning more about yourself, y'know? It's tough, yeah, but it happens, but take it for what it is and just... learn from it even if it takes a while, rather than let it get to you even more and hinder you from becoming an even better person :)

Oh man, I rambled there huh? ^^;

*gives another tight hug* Please feel better dear ♥

[vontriz.livejournal.com]

Maybe you should take a break from the fandom and focus on something else. If Sonic fics come out bland, write other fics on other fandoms or original stories. That way, your writing muscle's being flexed and you don't have to worry about trying to force something for something you're not too mad on right now.

Don't feel guilty for losing interest in a fandom. These things happen. In fact, it's likely it'll spark up again, probably when a new major game is announced. Right now, my Sonic fandom's almost dead, but I really don't mind. Gives me the chance to focus on other things and it lets me get into other fandoms. It may return, it may not. But it really doesn't matter. Fandom is about YOUR enjoyment, not for what you feel you owe to it.