Kill me plz

[here_inmyhead]

What good am I if I can't even write anymore? I'll trade my social life just to get my inspiration back. Nowadays, it's like I pounce whatever itty bitty thing I can find whether or not it's "true" inspiration, I'm that effing desperate. Inspiration is like food and drink--it turns into sand when I try stuffing it down my throat. How's that for malnourishment?

What makes this more amusing is I haven't done anything worthwhile in 6 months. Fun. Wait a minute, "fun"? What's that? All I am is just scared, miserable and clingy now. I can't even "relax" without my brain screaming somewhere, "FIC. FIC." Then me not doing anything and feeling awful for it. It's that, or when I actually *GASP* write for once, I compare it to my older drafts, and I. Just. CRY. There's no life to me anymore. It's boring, it's pretentious, it's shallow, nobody will read it. I sure as hell can't.

I always tell people, "I'm going to be a novelist." Ah ha ha, look who's TOTALLY murdered her dream now.



I wouldn't have compromised as much
So much of myself for fear of having you hating me
I would've sung so loudly it would've cracked myself!
I became self-conscious of anything exuberant

I wouldn't have sold myself short
I wouldn't have kept my eyes glued to the ground
If I had've known my invisibility would not make a difference
I would've run around screaming proudly at the top of my voice

I wouldn't have said it was in fact luck
I'm talking idealism here
I would not have been so self-deprecating
I wouldn't have cowered for fear of having my eyes scratched out!

I wouldn't have cut my comfort off
I wouldn't have feigned needlessness
I would not have discredited every one of their compliments
It was your approval I wanted
Your congratulations



I need help with the Block. Desperately. It's that, or doing as the subject line says. 'Cause everything I do to smash it smashes my writing/myself instead. Overall? All I'm doing is just making it worse. ;D

Comments

Aw...

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

Don't be sad. I have this sometimes too... I tell you, it DOES SUCK. I'm at this point in my life where I feel I'm coming a step step short of everyone's expectations... Anyway. Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you.

Try listening to music while writing. That seems to help me a lot...

Re: Aw...

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

No kidding, eh? There's this HUGE fic I wanted to finish writing before I lost interest, and it's like... ugh. And I know when I get to college, I'll be super busy and I might not have time for it and all those scary thoughts in my head and such. :/

That's what I do, actually. ^^ Sometimes I have up to whole "soundtracks" that trigger me into writing something. Even that seems to be falling short though, ugh. :/

Re: Aw...

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

No kidding. And I feel that too. I started a huge fic... haven't written on it forever though, because my parents insist that I write on something that I can PUBLISH... And now I'm petrified that 1- I'll never get it done and 2- that I'm beginning to lose the emotion that I need to write it.

REALLY? Most peeps think I'm crazy for listening to music while writing... Well, try to think of the mood that goes into your fic. Then try listening to music that expresses that mood. You may even want to try some older music that you haven't listened to in a while. (I for one recommend The Clash, Talking Heads, and Violent Femmes. Those seem to do me good. ^^)

(In the meantime, I'll friend you too. I agree. Vectpio and Knuxouge EEEE. Right now I'm somewhere between Sonlaze and SonMina. ^^')

Re: Aw...

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

There's this one chapter in a fic that I'm just struggling with since forever... even then, I'm just unhappy with it and probably need to get 1000000000000 feet away from my fic at the moment. At least that's how I feel right now. XDD;;;

I love listening to music for my fics, I go nuts with my playlist all the time. XDDD! (And eeeeeee! I ♥ Talking Heads like whooooooa. I used to hear them all the time as a kid, and recently my sister's been searching for songs by them from my mom's request. So that makes me giddy. You know "This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)"? It has a nice fluttery tune to it that reminds me of the flying stage in Sonic 2. ^^)

(Whee~! Awesome. X333~! ♥)

Re: Aw...

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

And it would likely be good to take a break. I know it feels like you're gonna lose it, but if you take a couple week break, then go back and read the whole thing w/music, often I'll just go "OMG so THAT'S where I was going with this...!!!" And I'll start writing like a crazed maniac. ^^

And no. I've never heard of "This Must Be The Place". It sounds good, though. ^^ OMG I love Talking Heads EEEEEEEEEE!!! Stop Making Sense was my first introduction, when I was like... three... and my GOD does it make me feel good...

(So, wait- who do you pair with Shadow???)

Re: Aw...

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

Okie dokies, I'll give it a go. *huggles* I definitely need it anyways. XDD!

Darn it, I should totally make an Mp3 post soon so I can share the goodies. ^^ I've been meaning to do so since I discovered those fanmade Pokémon tracks someone made, and now I can throw Talking Heads to the mix! Whee~ ♥

(You've just stumbled across one of the biggest Sonadow fans on all LJ. ^^ I also like Shadamy though. And let's not get into the crackships. "Sonic Heroes" and ShtH brainwashed me into liking Shadow x Omega, I swear it.

Re: Aw...

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

(Unfortunately, I'm a horrible person. I'm a little Sonadow and Shadamy... but I'm also Shad-Fanchar... And I hate myself for it, but my brain won't let me be... ><')

[lvrgirl91.livejournal.com]

Aww, I don't know you extremely well, but my word, how I can relate to this post. >.< I'm in a bit of slump myself right now, but at least I'm not unable to write even a single WORD. I go so crazy when that happens, I start sobbing and feeling so dead, it's unbelivable.

As hard as it is for someone like me [and I'm sure, you, too] to do, I suppose trying to focus on something else for now would be best. I would say that it helps to write down character notes if they randomly pop into your head, but since it's fanfiction, you may or may not have any fancharacters to develop, so minor plot notes would work, just so you don't lose it completely.

Also, when I write, I cannot focus without music. I feel it really sets the mood, and sometimes, you just have to sit and listen to the same song over and over and get very much into it before words come to mind. Other than that . . . I don't know very much that helps writers' block. I wish I did, because then, I'd bust its ass every time it came around. >.>;

Oh, and I hope I don't make it sound like fanfiction is stupid, because actually, Sonic fanfiction is what got me physically writing, and I still do some fanfiction when I can. ^_^; So I totally understand the entire thing. -hugs-

[insanepurin.livejournal.com]

It makes me relieved I'm not the only one who goes crazy over her writing like that, either. Makes me feel a tad too emotional or melodramatic or anything like that. XDDD;;;

Yeah, that's what I'm doing now. *cling* 'Sides, if I worry TOO much about my fic, I'll get all strung about and not able to do much, which'll help neither me or my writing, right? 'Sides, it's hard to focus when you don't remember what it's like smelling the roses. :) *whips up a teeny little book* Note-taking is fun. ^-^ I have a buncha notebooks just for that and ideas~

Not to mention music IS what gets me outta Writer's Block. *______* And I do that all the time, putting a certain song on repeat. I never get tired of it--one experimental fic I did a year or so ago, I listened to nothing but ONE song... with a couple listens of another song that snuck in somewhere. That definitely helped set the mood. :)

But of course. *huggles* Pokémon fanfiction made me into a fic writer, and it helped me discover my true passion. :333

[lvrgirl91.livejournal.com]

Ah, and you have no idea how relieved I am to know I'm not the only writer who sobs if she can't write something! XD;

I'm quite glad you're not stressing too much about it now, and I really do hope you'll be able to get out of this block. ><; Ah, music is wonderful, is it not? XD My parents have no idea how I can stand to do a million things and always need to be listening to music to concentrate, but yeah. I have playlist upon playlist of songs that are certain moods, and even character oriented playlists. XDD

Oh, and, have I told you how absolutely adorable that icon is?