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Jun. 9th, 2006 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
here_inmyheadI can't live unless I write.
This Writer's Block has been going on since, oh... January or February? 6-5 months. That is friggin' long.
That Sonadowfic contest. It's driving me crazy, as I can't think a thing. I HAD ideas, I had a little bit of what I wanted to do, I thought I had something original and neat to work with, but... GUH! I think, "Don't rush yourself. But don't wait until you cram in at the last minute. Take your time with it, but don't let it eat up your entire June of a three-month-summer vacation." You see how contradictory that is? Thing is, I want to write from the heart. I want to make this fic memorable, rather than just a "aww, how cute!" and then you forget about it the next second. I tell myself, "Don't strain yourself, it'll make you sound tired and boring" and look what it's done to me! Now I'm scared to write because nowadays, I'm told by my friend that my writing is "burdened"--it has no spirit in it and is just dull and trite and it hurts me. A LOT. Do I want to risk churning more of that drivel that'll just cut me even deeper and make me feel worse and more poisoned, like I'm killing myself off? I can't just "write" anymore. I can't "relax". I can't get "possessed" and typety/scribbly like I used to be. It's like I'm flailing around for any spark of creativity, any sort of excitement or drive, and it just ends up just standing there but unattainable and I'm left completely braindead and frustrated.
2-3 pages minimum. Ah ha ha, hilareous.
"BUT ZOMG THIS CONTEST FRUSTRATES J00 Y DUNT U STOP?"
The answer is NO.
Why? I've waited months and months for this contest--perhaps an entire year. I've left comments, I've left suggestions, I was super patient. Not only that? It's one of the few clubs on DA I've grown attached to and trusted. It's quiet a lot, but it's not like it's a bad thing, and it's reliable too. The mod(s) a nice person, and the place isn't overrun and flooded by scary rabid fangirls like well... the other ones out there. Not only that, I feel like I actually belong in this club, like a sorta home or treehouse. Considering this is a Sonadow DA club we're talking about, that means a LOT to me. That, and Kojichao, a great artist and sweet person I've always looked up to since my earliest days on DA (and just boosted my fangirling for Shadow even more), is drawing art for the winner. THAT is a humongoid honor that you don't see handed out everyday. Imagine that, finally able to give something back to the club, by making them and everyone smile by doing something you do best. Am I backing off of this now? I feel gutted and feeling like I've missed out on something, and who the heck knows when another writing contest'll start. Lord knows I can't draw myself outta a paper bag. :/
But yeah. I feel empty unless I'm writing something. (Ahh, god bless you LJ!) But when you're own friggin' mind isn't letting you and you're bogged down with everything else and overall just feeling shot, what the heck do I do? I'm sick of stressing over this, and I really DO want to write something for this contest and have fun with it like I used to! Instead of, ya know, being a chore and an excuse to beat yourself up. Especially by doing something you love and have a passion for (AND as a source of communication), that hurts even more.
This Writer's Block has been going on since, oh... January or February? 6-5 months. That is friggin' long.
That Sonadowfic contest. It's driving me crazy, as I can't think a thing. I HAD ideas, I had a little bit of what I wanted to do, I thought I had something original and neat to work with, but... GUH! I think, "Don't rush yourself. But don't wait until you cram in at the last minute. Take your time with it, but don't let it eat up your entire June of a three-month-summer vacation." You see how contradictory that is? Thing is, I want to write from the heart. I want to make this fic memorable, rather than just a "aww, how cute!" and then you forget about it the next second. I tell myself, "Don't strain yourself, it'll make you sound tired and boring" and look what it's done to me! Now I'm scared to write because nowadays, I'm told by my friend that my writing is "burdened"--it has no spirit in it and is just dull and trite and it hurts me. A LOT. Do I want to risk churning more of that drivel that'll just cut me even deeper and make me feel worse and more poisoned, like I'm killing myself off? I can't just "write" anymore. I can't "relax". I can't get "possessed" and typety/scribbly like I used to be. It's like I'm flailing around for any spark of creativity, any sort of excitement or drive, and it just ends up just standing there but unattainable and I'm left completely braindead and frustrated.
2-3 pages minimum. Ah ha ha, hilareous.
"BUT ZOMG THIS CONTEST FRUSTRATES J00 Y DUNT U STOP?"
The answer is NO.
Why? I've waited months and months for this contest--perhaps an entire year. I've left comments, I've left suggestions, I was super patient. Not only that? It's one of the few clubs on DA I've grown attached to and trusted. It's quiet a lot, but it's not like it's a bad thing, and it's reliable too. The mod(s) a nice person, and the place isn't overrun and flooded by scary rabid fangirls like well... the other ones out there. Not only that, I feel like I actually belong in this club, like a sorta home or treehouse. Considering this is a Sonadow DA club we're talking about, that means a LOT to me. That, and Kojichao, a great artist and sweet person I've always looked up to since my earliest days on DA (and just boosted my fangirling for Shadow even more), is drawing art for the winner. THAT is a humongoid honor that you don't see handed out everyday. Imagine that, finally able to give something back to the club, by making them and everyone smile by doing something you do best. Am I backing off of this now? I feel gutted and feeling like I've missed out on something, and who the heck knows when another writing contest'll start. Lord knows I can't draw myself outta a paper bag. :/
But yeah. I feel empty unless I'm writing something. (Ahh, god bless you LJ!) But when you're own friggin' mind isn't letting you and you're bogged down with everything else and overall just feeling shot, what the heck do I do? I'm sick of stressing over this, and I really DO want to write something for this contest and have fun with it like I used to! Instead of, ya know, being a chore and an excuse to beat yourself up. Especially by doing something you love and have a passion for (AND as a source of communication), that hurts even more.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 03:39 pm (UTC)I say let's take a look at that confirmed SSBB list, hm? ;DDD