(no subject)

Stolen from dingbatz7:

1) Pretend for a minute that the only contact you have ever had with me is through my fic. We've never exchanged LJ comments or emails, never hung out in chat or on IM, never talked on the phone or met each other at a convention, none of that stuff. The only thing you know about me is the kind of fic I write. Based on the way I write my characters, and the way they speak, think, and behave, what does that say to you about what kind of person I am, my attitudes and opinions about real-life issues?

In other words: Carriiiiiiiiiiiiiie~!

carriepika: From Ground to Shrapnel (Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow x Knuckles)

I was a day later than I wanted. Damn. XDD;;; Pimmy? I swear you're right up next. *nod* Puri won't rest 'till she's done a drabble per day. XDDD;;;

Speaking of drabbles, I'm still open until I post the last commenter's request.

Hey, it'll keep me busy (and something to do my free day of Friday) until May. ;D

Well here's something you don't see everyday.

You get the feeling you go to sleep, and when you wake up, about everything that been bugging you from yesterday hits you in the head like tiny weights?

I don't like this unhappy state I keep getting in. I don't want to say "depression", 'cause then that makes me think of mental illness, and sound like there's something wrong with me. I do want to get better, but then I get too clouded and can't be bothered to tell anyone comprehensively. Or when I do, I'm too afraid to talk to anyone, even my friends I think. I'll get lectured or criticized, or that "OMG why are you freaking out over this, it's SUCH a simple matter!" when well, you know... I'm NOT seeing this as a simple matter at the moment. Or just get one of those "Cheer up, Emo Kid!" comments and be disposed of, how dare I feel upset. (Joys, I can't speak a word to Dad, 'cause I know he'll just yell at me again, and not listen to me if I do speak at ALL) And when people DO leave me something good, something helpful, and they really mean well and WANT to help, it just... it makes me feel better for moment, then it's like it comes out of my ears. It's hard for the good/positive/uplifting stuff to sink in. Even music sometimes and whatever I'm normally excited about makes me feel kinda blanked out and unfeeling. But when something hurtful or negative passes my thoughts, it gets stuck like a clogged artery. And it hurts. And it's heavy and I'm sick of it.

Maybe I am being a tad... god I don't want to say it or think about it. It makes me ill to my stomach being called weak-willed. But I feel as if my self-esteem's been shot lately. Albeit, it was better than it was the last couple months, but still. Or I feel poisoned. I don't know what.

( Excuse Me If I Start Sounding Like Cori Falls )

Why the heck did I just type all that up in my LJ? I'm bound to have said some things that'll regret later. That, and god... I've probably said things I don't mean and I look like a bloody hypocrite. I just don't know anything anymore. It's just so easy to get stomped on for talking of things like that. Huh. And I was originally supposed to be ranting how stupid Drunken*Fics are, and how much they needed to die, how no one's EVER gonna be drunk in my fiction, and... veered somewhere completely different.

But yeah. That's why drabbles are going along slower than I wanted. Too much fucking angst to concentrate properly.

Sooner this week is over, the better. Two more fucking days...