I'm so fucking dead.

[here_inmyhead]

I'm really lonely and under a lot of stress right now.

I have three eight-page papers to write. THREE. I feel woefully unprepared and crippled, even though I've been given extensions for all of them by my professors. I have zero confidence and I'm tired as fuck.

But if I don't do these papers (all of which I've asked for extensions for), my grades for all of my classes are going to drop enormously.? And it's likely going to cost me in the long run when I'm trying to find jobs.

I just want to go to Portland NOW and end my misery, but I can't because of these stupid papers. I'm so fucking miserable. I have no energy left. And even if I DO start the papers, my exhaustion will clearly show. They'll be so shitty that I'll get a shitty grade anyway.

I'm going to be stuck here. All my efforts will be for nothing.

This post has been crossposted with Dreamwidth at http://shamanicshaymin.dreamwidth.org/104017.html. Pick your poison. Mwoiiiiiiiing~!

Comments

[silverflight8.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and stressed. Papers suck sometimes, and so many in a row is the worst.

Writing a paper, even a bad one > not writing one

Even if you get 30%, which you won't, that's still better than the 0% that would drag you down. You know what I mean? Your efforts aren't for nothing. Academia is one of those places where they show you breakdowns of marks and you can apply your effort where it's probably most likely to benefit you. You can easily do better than 0%.

But you know--it's really hard. University is hard. They try to dress it up, say oh you'll just have a blast, come study here (and give us your money), but a degree is supposed to mean something and effort has to go into it. But it's better to hand in something, even if you don't think it's perfect, than to give up and not do it. (Better to graduate university with and a lower gpa than to drop-out of university AND have debt AND the hole in your resume). Do it. Don't let perfectionism and pessimism get you down. You benefit enormously more if you can hand in something.

Try not to think about doing the BEST! and focus on producing a paper. Which one is due the soonest (with the most inflexible deadline?) Work on that. If you get stuck, or need a break, maybe try looking at the other ones.

[egelantier.livejournal.com]

agreed with everything, and also ::hugs::.

[marasquine.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear that. :(
I don't know if I'm in the best situation to give you advice, given my current college ordeal, but... keep strong. You're, as far as I can read, fairly able to argument, as well as create. You have a variety of interests and an open mind. You've got skills, the nature of those is valuable in academics. Don't loose faith in yourself.
Being tired is another thing, though. Experience taught me that there's a point of exhaustion beyond which you cannot work at all, because your capacity to think, your wrting, and even your mood are affected. If you feel that the pressure put on you is too much, perhaps it's because it is.
silverflight8 is making extremely good points. Perhaps you could try and prioritize your work: start by what's due the soonest - or, if you have a liiiitle more time and need a confidence boost, by what seems like it'd be the easiest for you. Getting one done could help you getting started with the other two. Try organizing your work routine so that you're still able to sleep enough hours for your body and your brain to stay awake. Go easy on yourself - treat yourself, if needed, with sweets, a tea, music (if you're amongst the people who can work when surrounded by background noise) when you're working.

I've spent the last couple months working non-stop; I didn't see any of my friends, I didn't sleep more than a couple hours a night- this ended up really badly, and I don't want the same thing to happen to you. So please take care of you- go slow and steady, and I'm pretty sure you'll manage.
And keep strong :3